Do you have, or have you ever had, a 3-year-old? Did they follow you around all day asking pointless questions and refusing to take any answer, regardless of the actual answer, or the consistency (or not) of the answer, as the actual answer-answer, for more than say, ten seconds?
There are times when I think I may seriously blow a gasket.
Today, for instance. I think the Moose had it in for my sanity today.
“Can I play on the ‘puter, Mommy? My turn to play on the ‘puter?”
No. No computer time until Later, when Daddy comes home and the chores are done and your older siblings have finished their homeschooling because if the computer is even ON and not on the black energy-saver screen they can’t FOCUS.
“Mommy! I play on the ‘puter? Peeeese, Mommy? ‘Puter??”
No. Maybe later! But right now, NO.
“Moooommmy! I went pee an’poo in toi-let!” [He really does say it that way. And Daddy gives him computer time for Deeds Done on the Throne.] “I get ‘puter time now!”
NO. Go AWAY and do not ASK AGAIN.
“WAAAAAAAH!! -! – !!”
That tears it. Go to your room and stay there until you’re all done crying.
[Immediately cheers up.] “And then I get ‘puter time!”
[sulks, stomps, pulls as mad a frowny face as he can screw his features into, and gets sent off to his room where we soon hear]:
“We all live in a yewwow submawine. Yewwow submawine! Yewwow submawine…”
I dare you to try and pronounce it that way without drooling. It’s impossible after the first verse. Some days I hate Raffi.
“MOMMY!! Mommy-mommy-MOMMY! I di’nt get my ‘puter time for goin’ pee’n’poo in the toi-let! I get play on ‘puter!”
GAAAAAAH! No, NO, NO-NO-NO! Take it up with Daddy when he comes home!
I swear, if I weren’t so addicted to the machine myself, I’d box it up and hide it till he’s at least 9.
See, this explains why I have a dumb phone. My non-smartphone does two things: make calls and send texts. That’s IT. No games. No internet. No music. No video. No BLING.
The result? I can FIND it. Because, according to the kids, it’s NO FUN.
Sadly, it is nearly impossible to make the computer Not Fun. It’s either the computer isn’t fun (because it would be nonexistent), or Math (we use Teaching Textbooks) isn’t fun, and quite frankly, when we did workbooks, having Math be Not Fun was going to turn my hair gray. In the great scheme of things, having the kids beg to do math (because it’s on the computer) is a Good Thing. Unfortunately, it now means that –
“I wanna play on the ‘puter!!!”
…is now the mecca of all that is Fun and Good and Fanatically Irresistible past the point of Obsession to Toddlerhood in my house. And Big-Kid-Hood too, for that matter. Some days we can’t get Daddy off, either…
You JUST ATE!!!